Everyone knows that guy who radiates with the suave confidence and likability known as charisma. That lucky bastard who says one word and the whole room listens. Who smiles and every girl falls in love with him.
Who, no matter how much we want to hate him, we can’t help but love.
While many men waste their time envying such individuals, cursing their own poor luck, and griping about unfair genetics; if you are on this site, you would rather become that “Charismatic Bastard” than envy him.
While it is true that some people are more naturally likable and outgoing than others. There are a number of very teachable skills and actions you can take to instantly boost your charisma and charm.
Although there is no “quick fix” or magic bullet to developing a magnetic personality. With some practice and hard work, you can become the guy that every man wants to be like, and every woman wants to be with.
10 Ways to Instantly be More Charismatic: Appearance
Charisma is really comprised of two parts: Appearance and character. In the first part of this series we will focus almost solely on appearance, as this is the most easily changed element and can have immediate results.
People respect a man who looks like he respects himself. Don’t believe me? Next time you are out, look around you.
When you see a man who is over weight, poorly dressed, slouching and looking at his phone, you will immediately make assumptions that he is probably lazy, uninspired and suffers from low self esteem.
However, if you see a man who is lean and muscular, well dressed, standing up right, alert and present in his environment, you will immediately make assumptions that this man is disciplined, confident and has his stuff together
Whether these assumptions are correct or not is completely irrelevant. The simple fact is that appearances matter. And while you can’t (easily) change your facial structure or genetics, there are a number of factors that you can influence which will dramatically improve how you show up in the world.
Although our focus is on optimizing your appearance, the true reason this boosts your charisma is that, by optimizing your appearance, you will become more confident. Plain and simple.
People are more attracted to confident men. By tweaking your appearance to appear more self assured and in-charge, you will increase your respect and perceived worth to the group, and improve your own sense of worth and comfort in your own skin.
1. Fix Your Posture
Let’s start with the basics here. One of the cornerstones of confidence is your posture. No matter what you are wearing or how you look, strong posture signals to the world that you are confident and in charge.
The wonderful thing about good posture is that; whether you are truly confident or not, it will instantly boost the amount of respect others give you and, as you will see, can actually cause you to become more confident instead of just appearing confident.
In the following study, individuals were asked to stand in either a high (expansive, open, confident posture) or low (closed off, slouched posture) power pose for a set amount of time.
After standing in the pose, they were then tested for risk tolerance, testosterone and cortisol measurements, and qualitative confidence levels.
What the study found is that individuals who stood in high power positions were far more likely to take risks, had physically increased their testosterone and decreased cortisol levels, and felt significantly more confident than did the individuals in low power poses.
What this means for you is that, socially, if you can master your posture, you can give yourself a tangible confidence boost needed to take risks in conversations, be more daring with the opposite sex, or approach potential clients, business partners, etx.
And….you will feel amazing.
Some of the key points to good posture are:
Keep Your Head Up: Make sure that your head is held high, keep your chin up and make eye contact with everyone in the room.
Keep Your Chest Out: Whether you have the coveted barrel chest or not, keeping your shoulders slightly back and your chest out shows confidence and control, and is just plain sexy…especially if you workout.
Stand Up Straight: Slouching does you no good. It is bad for your health, makes you look shorter than you really are, and makes you look like more of a target. Stand up straight and you will look and feel more confident.
2. Fix Your Smile
One of the most important and most remembered factors of a charismatic person is their smile. A good smile speaks to your personality and makes you seem far more likable and approachable.
While it is fairly simple to flash those pearly whites, it is important that you remember a few key points to maximizing their effect when meeting anybody, old or new.
Slow Your Smile Down: When meeting someone new, wait a second before flashing those pearly whites. Studies have shown that by delaying your smile a mere 2-3 seconds after meeting a new person, you will appear more genuine and interested than if you walk up to them grinning from ear to ear like the class clown who just put a laxative in the teachers coffee.
Have a Goldilocks Smile: The key to maximizing your smile is to balance the frequency of your smile
If you always have a goofy grin on your face, you will appear disingenuous and mischievous. (Or if you have a winning smirk like some of our crew, you will just look like an arrogant dick)
If you don’t smile enough however, you will look like a miserly and unapproachable.
By learning to master the frequency of your smile, you will come off as genuine, likable an extremely charismatic.
Take Care of Your Teeth: If you have poor dental hygiene, everything about your smile will be completely counter productive. It will make you look unkempt and gross, and is a huge turn off for any ladies you’re looking to put the moves on.
A good dental hygiene regimen will include regular brushing, flossing, a mouth wash and yearly visits to the dentist. If need be, invest in invisiline braces, fillings crowns, or any other necessary procedure to get the most out of your smile.
Keep Your Teeth White: While a decent hygiene regimen will be all that is necessary for most people, if you are a coffee drinker, cigar smoker, or pub crawler, you may need to take some extra steps to keep those pearly whites…well, white.
The Best Way: Go to your dentist once every 6-12 months and ask for a cleaning and bleaching. This can set you back about $500 but it is almost instant, lasts a long time, and looks great.
Second Best Option: Buy the Dazzlepro SmilePacks Teeth Whitening Kit. This system works great and is much more affordable than a professional bleaching. The downside is that you will need to do it much more frequently. (Once every 2 months is a good rule of thumb)
Most Affordable Option: Either practice oil pulling or use a baking soda/hydrogen peroxide mix.
To do oil pulling, purchase a high quality oil (we recommend Flora Sunflower Oil) and take 1-2 Tablespoons each morning and night and swish for 20 minutes.
While this is a complete pain in the ass and takes up some significant time, it works wonders for whitening your teeth and has many other benefits as well.
Or the cheapest, and easiest option (but the slowest) is to mix a few tablespoons of baking soda and hydrogen peroxide until you have a mixture with a similar consistency to tooth paste. Then brush your teeth for 2 minutes like you would normally, let the paste sit on your teeth for 2 more minutes, and rinse.
Do this 1-3 times a week for about a month and you will see phenomenal results.
3. Eye Contact
Strong eye contact is one of the greatest indicators of confidence and certainty. It shows that you are not intimidated by the other person and that you respect yourself.
Keeping eye contact in conversation shows the other person that you are listening to them and what they are saying, and that they should do the same when it’s your turn to speak.
While eye contact can seem to be pretty straightforward there are a few key points to remember so that you come off as sexy and confident and not creepy.
Keep Eye Contact for 5-10 Seconds: The goal here is not to stare, but rather to assert yourself as a confident and attentive man in a conversation.
Gaze into the other persons eyes for 5-10 seconds and then break contact so you don’t make them uncomfortable. Glance around at something in the environment, at their forehead (if it is a fellow man) or their lips (if it is a lady) to break eye contact without seeming nervous or twitchy.
Be sure that when you break contact you find something to look at other than your phone, since this will completely defeat all the effort you have put into appearing engaged in the conversation.
Don’t Stare: It’s completely ok to blink a few times and look away during a conversation, remember, the goal is not to stare the person down, but to maintain eye contact long enough to convey your confidence and attentiveness.
4. Dress to Impress
Charisma is really nothing more than confidence combined with likability. And while there are a number of items we will cover in part 2 regarding your likability factor, few things affect your confidence so much as your clothes and style.
ZZ Top knew what they were talking about when they sang that “Everyone’s crazy about a sharp dressed man.”
And while there are certainly a number of phenomenal resources that you can use become a GQ level fashionista, we have decided to opt for a more everyday approach to style.
Fit > Everything Else: One of the biggest mistakes men are making today is buying clothes that are either too tight or too baggy. The result is pure tragedy.
No matter what you are wearing, you must focus on fit first! The key is to find clothes that fit your body type. If you are an athletic individual, always go for the slim or tapered fit as this will accentuate your physique and make your efforts in the gym more apparent (without making you look like a douche)
If you are a bigger guy make sure that you do not buy clothes that are unnecessarily baggy as this will add weight to your appearance and give off a bum vibe.
So no matter what your shape or build, always buy clothes that will fit you. Even consider going to a tailor with your nicer jackets and coats to ensure that you get the most bang for your buck.
Material > Brand: While it may have been cool back in highschool to have all the latest name brands and designer outfits, as a mature (ish) adult, it is more important that you buy quality clothes instead of a label.
Buying sturdy, well made clothes, with 100% cotton or high quality blend (depending on the article of clothing) from an online niche store, or hole in the wall tailor, is always better than buying a crappy, cheap blend from some big brand.
Buy Items that Are Stylish: Fashion is merely a trend that fades in and out with the times, style however, is universal and cross generational. A well made suit with a great pair of black oxfords is just as important and stylish now as it was 50 years ago.
If you are looking for a good place to start, there are roughly 10 items every man must have in his wardrobe.
1. A Pair of High Quality Jeans: Bar none one of the single most important wardrobe items a man can own, a dark pair of jeans is versatile and adaptable for damn near any outfit.
2. A High Quality Dress Shirt: Similar to a high quality pair of jeans, a crisp, white dress shirt is an important part of any formal outfit, and can be worn alone for a stylish appeal in any season.
3. A High Quality Pair Oxfords: A good looking pair of dress shoes are really the icing on the cake of a snazzy outfit. And what’s great about oxfords is that, like jeans, they are highly versatile and can be worn with a number of outfits.
4. A Navy Blazer: A good navy blazer is an absolute must for every man’s wardrobe. It can be worn in any season with a variety of outfits making it extremely practical (and just damn sexy)
5. Quality Chinos: This incredibly versatile pant can be worn on both casual and semi formal occasions. It looks great and, as far as dressier clothes go, is quite comfortable.
6. A Swag Leather Jacket: There is really no explanation needed here. If you pull it off right, you will look like a badass James Dean, oozing with sexuality and masculinity.
7. A Sharp Cardigan: While this is mainly a fall and winter item, a high quality cardigan is a great winter article that looks great in any setting.
8. A Suave Guayabera: One of our favorite shirts of all time, the guayabera is an awesome summer shirt perfect for the beach, the pool, or any party or social event. They’re affordable, stylish and go perfectly with a good cigar and glass of scotch by the ocean.
9. A Leather Watch: A must have accessory for any bachelor. A sharp leather watch is a great accent to any outfit and gives you an extra air of sophistication.
10. A Custom Suit: DO NOT SKIMP HERE! A well fitted suit made of high quality material, is absolutely essential and will make you stand out at any formal event. Go for something that is bespoke (custom made) or buy one from a local tailor and have them make the necessary alterations.
Make sure that the suit is 100% wool and super 140 (the number of threads per square inch). Personally we recommend ononly.com for your custom suits.
In short, style is an extremely important part of your everyday interactions. People make snap judgement about you based off of your appearance, and these judgement can largely determine the results of entire conversations (especially important with the opposite sex).
So take the time to make sure you are outfitted and equipped to look your best. Even in casual situations if you can put your best foot forward you will gain more respect from others and will feel more confident in yourself.
Last but certainly not least, taking care of your health is an essential piece of mastering your charisma and charm. Simply put, when you are healthy, and your body shows it, people respect you more and they care more about what you have to say.
We are not saying that your six pack or lack thereof determines whether you are a person of high moral conduct or worth. However, a well taken care of body at the very least, conveys confidence, strong work ethic, and discipline. All highly attractive qualities in a business partner or romantic relation.
It may seem that health has little to nothing to do with your charisma, but trust us when we say it makes a difference. People immediately respect a fit, well groomed, and well dressed man, and the added confidence you get from a healthy lifestyle is priceless.
Although the fitness industry and the government would have us believe that being healthy and muscular is unattainable without thousands of supplements and hundreds of dollars of equipment, the simple truth is; being healthy is simple, if not always easy.
80/20 Your Diet: A key epiphany for every person trying to be healthy is that: It’s not what you eat 20% of the time that makes you fat, it’s what you eat 80% of the time that leads to obesity and health problems.
When it comes to your diet, try and get 80% of your calories from organic meats and vegetables, fruits, and the occasional whole grain. Avoid having an excess of sugar, wheat, or processed foods in your diet.
If it has more than one ingredient, it’s not whole food and should not be a large part of your diet.
That said, life is for living, and no one wants to live life without that occasional cookie, donut, pizza or beer, so learn how to enjoy the finer things in life in… moderation.
Just like smoking a cigar once every couple of weeks won’t be the end of the world, neither will having that Krispy Kreme on Sunday mornings, just make sure that it is a treat and not a habit.
Lift Some Weights: One of the absolute best activities you can do for your health, lifting weights has been proven to be more effective than long bouts of cardio for fat loss, and is the best way to gain muscle mass.
You can typically find a good gym membership for under $30/month and with the right program you will be looking like a lean, mean, ass kicking machine in only a couple of months.
Personally we recommend checking out Body of a Spartan by Victor Pride, it’s an awesome, no bullshit guide to getting ripped without garbage supplements and gimmicky contraptions. The sessions are short, intense, and will have you looking awesome in no time.
Get Your Zzzs: Something that is often overlooked when people approach health is the quality of the sleep they are getting. Getting the right amount of high quality sleep is essential for you to function on every level.
Some key things you can do to ensure you make the most out of your precious 8 hours are:
Go to bed at the same time each night
Turn off all electronics an hour before bed
Eat a high fat meal 3 hours before bed
Keep your room cold and dark
Get a high quality mattress.
If you want the definitive guide for mastering your sleep for optimal performance from your mind and body, check out Sleep Smarter by Shawn Stevenson. After a week of following his 20+ tips, you will be sleeping like a baby and feeling like a god.
Charisma is equal parts confidence and character. And while character is something that must be developed over time, you can apply the “fake it till you make it” principle to confidence, by mastering your appearance.
With the right body language and personal care regimen, you will begin demanding and receiving more respect in all of your social interactions, accelerating your social value 100 times over.
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